Will Dancer / Managing Editor
After reaching out to Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker, Roosevelt University was met with an unfortunate response.
Reportedly after receiving an invitation to tour Roosevelt’s historic campus, Governor Pritzker replied by asking, “Roosevelt-who?”
After clarification was provided about the South Loop campus, Pritzker said, “Ohhhhh, you mean Columbia University?”
When further informed that this was the university situated near Columbia University, Pritzker added, “ohhhhh, of course, East-West University!”
As a result, it became increasingly apparent that Pritzker was entirely unfamiliar with Roosevelt and its nearly 80-year history.
When notified about the less-than-ideal response, Roosevelt University president, Ali Malekzadeh said, “Yeah, before I got this gig, I didn’t know this place existed either.”
Devastated by the news, Roosevelt students continued their campaign of spreading the good word of the university by skipping classes and returning to their dorm rooms.
A freshman at Roosevelt said, “What? What do you mean this isn’t Robert Morris anymore? I was told I was attending a highly-regarded university.”
In lieu of the Governor, Roosevelt administrators have opted instead to explore further down the totem pole of potential esteemed guests.
Choosing to avoid association with Mayor Lori Lightfoot for obvious reasons, Roosevelt was excited to announce that a familiar face will be spotted reexploring the empty classrooms and offices- the rapper Common.
With the recent exodus of professors and faculty leaving the university, perhaps it is only a matter of time before students all begin asking “Roosevelt-who?” But, just like Common taught Chicagoans, “even the most unremarkable and forgotten-about things have marginal longstanding value.”
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